Utuntu n’Utundi

Uburyo wangiza ubuzima bwawe utabizi

Uburyo wangiza ubuzima bwawe utabizi

Ubuzima ntibugenda ku murongo ugororotse, iri ni ihame ukwiye kumva neza. Ubuzima si nk’umuhanda wubatswe nta kosa rikozwe ngo ube ufite ibyapa biyobora neza abawugenda, wa mugani ‘inzira ntibwira umugenzi’.

Nta gikuba kiba cyacitse iyo wize ariko nturangize amashuri ngo uhabwe impamyabumenyi washakaga, cyangwa kuba utarashaka kandi abo mungana babyiruye, kuba nta kazi ufite, ngo nawe ugire, ukorere amafaranga maze ubeho neza ube ufite agaciro mu muryango mugari ku myaka nk’iyo waba ufite yose. Byaba byiza cyane ibyo byose uramutse warabigezeho, gusa ukwiye kumva neza ko niba ku myaka 25 cyangwa 35 utari washaka, cyangwa ngo ube uri nka Visi Perezida, ‘CEO’ w’ikigo cy’ubucuruzi runaka ku myaka 30, nta wagutera amabuye. Nta rirarenga, uracyafite ubushobozi bwo gusubiza amaso inyuma ukamenya ibigushimisha n’ibikubereye ubundi ukubaka ubuzima wumva bukubereye kandi bukunyuze utagendeye ku bandi.

Uracyafite igihe rwose niba ugihumeka nubwo ntekereza ko bamwe tubyibagirwa [cyangwa tukabyirengagiza]. Bamwe, nkuko Umwanditsi w’ibitabo Bianca Sparacino yabyanditse muri iyi nkuru dukesha urubuga Thought Catalog, tugisoza amashuri yisumbuye, ni bwo duhitamo icyo tuziga muri kaminuza, twamara gusoza kaminuza, tugahitamo icyo dukora nk’akazi duhemberwa rimwe na rimwe tutanagakunze ariko tukemera kugakora kuko nta kundi twabigenza kandi tukaba tuba twaratakaje igihe twiga ibyako wenda tutaniyumvagamo mbere. Aha, buri gitondo tuzinduka tujya ku kazi kuko nyine kaba kadufasha kwifasha bihagije. Dukomeza kubaho muri ubwo buryo twumva ko hari intambwe dutera mu buzima ndetse ko hari icyo twimarira ariko umunsi umwe tukabyuka twumva tujagaraye mu mutwe, twihebye; ha handi tuba dufite ibimenyetso by’agahinda gakabije [depression]. Aha tuba twumva turi ku gitutu gikomeye cy’ubuzima nyamara tutazi impamvu yabyo. Ubu ni bwo buryo wangiza ubuzima bwawe; gukora ibyo udakunda kandi utiyumvamo.

Wangiza ubuzima bwawe iyo uhisemo umuntu utari uwa nyawe ngo abuzemo. Ni kuki tugomba kwihutisha umubano cyangwa urukundo na runaka? Ubundi ni kuki twuba twumva twaba uwa kanaka aho kumva ko urukundo rwaba ‘Ngira nkugire’? Nshuti yanjye, nyizera. Iyo mvuga ko urukundo ruhutiyeho, rumwe ruva mu cyifuzo cya naka cyangwa nyirarunaka cyo kumva gusa akeneye umukunzi nk’abandi ngo bajye bapfumbatana nijoro, rumwe umuntu ajyamo kuko akeneye umuha ‘care’ bitari ukwiyemeza, urwo si urukundo ruzatuma ubona ejo hazaza ari heza.

Mu rukundo, uba ukwiye kujya muri rwa rundi rufite umusingi uhamye, umubano ugufasha kuva ku rwego rumwe ukajya ku rundi rwiza kurushaho, ukaba umugabo cyangwa umugore ‘ubereye u Rwanda biruseho’, urukundo uba utapfa gusanga ahabonetse hose. Nyamara uzumva benshi tuvuga ngo ‘Kubaho njyenyine ndabirambiwe, nkeneye uwo tubana akanyuzuza mu buzima rwose’. [Bitwaye iki se?] Baho wenyine ukwawe, Wisohokane ufate kamwe wenyine, uryame wenyine. Hagati aho ni ho uzisobanukirwa ubwawe. Aha, uzakura mu mitekerereze, umenye ibikunyura kurusha ibindi, nuko inzozi zawe n’ibindi urota gukora mu gihe kirambye uzisigasire, umenye neza ibyo wemera, imirongo ngenderwaho yawe. Aha, nuhura na wa muntu utuma utunyangingo twawe tukugurumanamo akazamura imbamutima zawe ahindura ibyiyumvo byawe, uzabimenya kuko nyine uriyizi. Bitegereze, ndakwinginze, ndagusaba kubitegereza ukamera nk’uri ku rugamba ugashyiramo ingufu n’imihate kuko nubigeraho, ni cyo kintu cyiza kurusha ibindi umutima wawe uzabona kikawunyura.

Wiyangiriza ubuzima bwawe bw’ejo hazaza iyo uretse ahahise hakabugenga. Ni ibisanzwe ko mu buzima hagira ibikubaho byaba ibyiza cyangwa ibibi. Uzumva umenetse umutima, wishidikanyeho, haze iminsi wiyumve nta gaciro ufite ndetse wumve bisa n’aho utabayeho ku bw’intego.

Hari ibihe bizakubaho ugumane na byo, amagambo uzumva ye kukuva mu matwi y’umutima. Icyakora, ntukwiye kureka ngo ibyo bihe bibe ari byo bigutegeka, n’ubundi byari ibihe bisa, ibyo wumvise byari amagambo masa. Nuramuka wemeye ko buri kintu kibi cyose cyakubayeho kiba ari cyo ukoresha nk’indorerwamo wireba, uzabona isi nabi. Hari amahirwe azagucika kuko urugero nko mu myaka itanu ishize utazamuwe mu ntera hakazamuka undi maze ukiyumvisha uko icyo gihe wari ‘Bwengebuke’ cyangwa wa mushinga wakoze ntukunde ukumva ko wari watekereje nabi ugahora wishinja ikosa.

Uzabura urukundo rwa nyarwo igihe cyose wumva ko urwo wahozemo kera ruatgize icyo rugeraho kuko utari ushyitse none ubu ntushaka kwemera no kwizera umuntu ukuri mu mutima uguhatira kumva ko uri ku kigero cyo gukunda kandi bikagenda neza. Iyi ni nk’inzoka yiruma umurizo, nk’ubuhanuzi bwisohoza. Nutiyemerera wowe ubwawe kurenga ibyakubayeho ahahise, ibyavuzwe, uko wiyumvise cya gihe, amakosa wakoze… uzarebera iteka ahazaza muri iyo ndebakure kandi urwo rubanza rubi uhora wicira nta kizarukuraho. Gukomeza kumva wishinja amakosa kuzahora iteka kubyutsa muri wowe, kunavomerera ibitekerezo ubundi bitabaye byaranakujemo mbere hose.

Wangiza bikomeye ubuzima bwawe iyo wigereranya n’abandi ndetse ukumva wifuza kubaho nka bo. Ngo igikeri cyashatse kungana n’ikimasa kiraturika. Umubare w’abagukurikira kuri Instagram ntugabanya cyangwa ngo wongere agaciro kawe. Ingano y’amafaranga ufite kuri banki ntacyo yamara ku bugwaneza, ubwenge cyangwa ibyishimo byawe. Umuntu ufite umutungo wikubye uwawe kabiri ntukibwire ko aba paradizo yo ku isi yikubye iyawe kabiri, oya, ndetse nta nubwo bisobanuye ko ingano y’ibyishimo bye iruta iy’ibyawe ubugira kabiri. Wikwibeshya.

Usanga twese twaratwawe n’ibyo inshuti zacu zikunda, tukaba ba rukurikirizindi kuko abantu twemera ari yo nzira baciyemo maze hanyuma tugasanga ntitwangije ubuzima bwacu busa ahubwo twaraniyangije twe ubwacu. Ibi ubundi birema muri twe icyifuzo cyo kumva dushaka kwemerwa mu muryango mugari maze akenshi tukabigeraho bisabye ko duhonyora abandi n’uburenganzira bwabo.

Wangiza ubuzima bwawe iyo ‘wifunze’ ntubwire abandi akakuri ku mutima. Umunyarwanda yaciye umugani ati “Uhishe mu nda imbwa ntimwiba.” Twese dutinya kuvuga menshi, cyane tukanga kubwira abantu uko tubiyumvamo n’icyo basobanuye kuri twe. Uba wumva kuba wabwira runaka ko ari umuntu udasanzwe bizatuma agaciro kawe kagabanuka. Ibyo nta wabihakana. Icyakora, ubundi icyo si ikintu umuntu yagatewe isoni na cyo. Ahubwo nta gishimisha umutima nk’iyo wirekuye ukabwiza umuntu ukuri uko umwiyumvamo n’akamaro ubona akumariye. Ukwiye kumenyesha urya mwari uburyo agutera akanyabugabo mu buzima agatuma ubona ibintu mu ruhande rwiza. Bwira mama wawe ko umukunda mu ruhame imbere y’inshuti zawe. Irekure, irekure, irekure umenyekanishe uko wiyumva. Ntukikomeze ngo wikanyize nk’ushaka gushyira isi ku bitugu, jya wirekura ku bo ukunda n’uko ubakunda. Bitera imbaraga iyo ubikoze.

Wangiza ubuzima bwawe iyo wihanganira ibitari ku rwego rwawe kubuzamo. Uko byamera kose, igihe kiragera ukishimira kuba uriho. Igihe cyose wemeye ibintu ubundi bitari ku rwego rw’ibyo ukeneye kandi ufitiye ubushobozi, aha wangiza kandi ukagabanya ubushobozi bwawe, ni muri ubwo buryo wishuka ubwawe ndetse n’isi yawe y’ubushobozi bwo kugera ku bikomeye. Ntiwamenya, ushobora kuba ari wowe kirangirire cy’ahazaza nyamara ukaba wumva unyuzwe n’ubuzima ‘bucirirtse’ ubayemo ubu kuko bucya bukira gusa. Birashoboka ko ari wowe wari guhanga umurimo uzaha abantu ibihumbi akazi nyamara ukaba wicaye ubu wumva unyuzwe n’agashahara gato uhabwa ngo ni uko gatuma urenza iminsi.

Ntukemere ko ibyo maze kuvuga bikubaho. Ntuzangize ubuzima muri izo nzira. Ubuzima ntibubaho gusa kuko ufite akazi, nta kazi ufite wabaho, kandi ubuzima ntibuzabura kugenda neza kuko ubu utari mu rukundo. Ibyo ni ngombwa ko bibaho ariko iyo bitajyana byombi, ubuzima burakomeza. Ugomba guharanira gukora umurimo wo ku rwego rwo hejuru kandi tugomba guharanira kubona urukundo rwo ku rwego rwo hejuru. Aha ni ho honyine tuzabaho mu buzima bwiza butarimo kwicuza no kubaho uko tudashaka kubera amahitamo twakoze tugendeye ku bandi.

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