Ubukwe nk’umunsi umugabo n’umugore biyemeza kubana akaramata bagasezerana gukundana no kudahemukirana iteka ni inzozi za benshi. Nk’umunsi uba ubundi rimwe mu buzima, usanga benshi bawutegurana udushya cyane kuko uba utazagaruka icyakora udushya tuburanga twabaye twinshi cyangwa iyo tubaye turamenyekana cyane bitewe n’imbuga nkoranyambaga zogeye.
Kuri bene izi mbuga, ntihasiba amashusho n’amafoto y’abasore basaba inkumi kubemerera gushaka mu buryo butangaje busakara bugaca ururondoro kuri benshi. Iyo bigeze ku gusaba nyirarunaka ko mwazabana, hari ubwo usanga imihango gakondo y’ubukwe isa n’aho yirengagizwa.
Imibare yerekana ko 70% y’ababiri bakundana (couples) bo muri ibi bihe bavuga ko ubundi ari akazi n’inshingano z’umugabo gusaba umugore ko bazabana mu gihe abarenga 90% bavuga ko ibyo gusaba umwari ko mwabana (propose) ari ibintu byakabanje kuganirwaho.
Ni imibare yavuye mu nyigo yakozwe mu 2021 hamaze kubazwa ‘couples’ zigera ku 1,200 ikozwe n’urubuga rwa interineti rwitwa Zola.
Hari abagabo kimwe n’abagore bumva ko ibyo gusaba runaka ko mwashakana byagakozwe n’abo mu bitsina byombi mu gihe abagore 70% bavuga ko batabikora.
Kuva ku guca bugufi ugasa n’upfukama cyangwa se koko ‘ugatera ivi hasi’ kugeza ku kwambikana impeta cyangwa kwambara agatimba, myinshi mu mihango ikorwa mu bukwe bw’ubu ifite isoko n’imizi mu mateka ya kera.
Muri iyi nkuru turakugezaho inkomoko n’ibisobanuro by’imwe mu mihango iteye ubwoba, isekeje n’itangaje yihishe inyuma y’iyo ubona mu bukwe.
Kwambara ikanzu yera
Ibara ry’igitare cyangwa umweru ni ryo bara ryambarwa cyane ku makanzu y’ubukwe mu mico yo mu burengerazuba bw’isi.
Ifite inkomoko mu bukwe bw’ibwami mu Bwongereza ubwo mu 1840 Igikomangoma Albert yashyingirwaga na Queen Victoria wari yambaye ikanzu isa n’ibara ry’urumuri.
Kurya umwera uturutse ibukuru bucya wakwiriye hose, benshi mu bageni bo muri ibyo bihe, mu gushaka kwisanisha n’ubwami, bagiye bahitamo kwambara biganye ikanzu y’umwamikazi n’ibara ryayo ryera bivugwa ko ryari ikimenyetso cy’umutima uzira icyasha n’ubusugi byaranze imico n’imigirire ya Queen Victoria.
Icyakora nubwo benshi bashushanya bakerekana ikanzu ya Queen Victoria yera, si uko mu by’ukuri yasaga, kuko ahubwo yasaga na champagne. Gusa uko ibihe byahise, ni ko ibara ry’umweru ryagiye risa n’iriharirwa umugeni ku munsi w’ubukwe bwe ku buryo mu babisobanukiwe usanga kuri uyu munsi nta wundi wambara ikanzu year mu babutashye bandi.
Kwambara ikanzu itukura
Mu bihugu byinshi byo mu burasirazuba harimo Ubushinwa, ibara ry’umutuku ni ikimenyetso cy’ubukungu n’umukiro mwiza birigira ibara ryiza ryaba ribereye abageni. Gusa bgo ibyo kwambara umutuku ku bageni byaba biva ku nkuru z’imigani miremire ya Panhu yo mu buvanganzo bw’Abashinwa.
Iyi Panhu ikaba ngo ari ikigirwamana cy’imbwa ifite ishusho y’inzoka ya ‘dragon’ yaje guhinduka umuntu maze irongora igikomangomakazi. Ngo mu bukwe, iki kigirwamana cyadodeye umugeni wacyo ikanzu nziza y’igiciro gihambaye kandi isa amabara menshi izwi nka “phoenix dress’. Phoenix ni inyoni izwiho kubaho imyaka 500 ndetse yanapfa ikongerera ikiyuburura ikabaho.
Mu binyejana byo hanyuma, abageni benshi bo mu Bushinwa bahitamo kwiyambarira bene izi kanzu zitukura za phoenix dress. Bisobanura ko benshi mu bageni bo mu bihugu byo mu burasirazuba bakora igikorwa cyo kwifotoza mbere y’ubukwe (pre-wedding photo shoot) aho bambara amakanzu yera nk’ibyo mu burengerazuba.
Icyakora usanga rubanda mu mico itandukanye bitewe n’ibihugu bambara amakanzu y’amabara atandukanye yose aranga umukororombya.
Gutwikiza isura n’umusatsi agatimba
Queen Victoria yahisemo kwambara agatimba kera, karekare kandi kabonerana akajyanisha n’ikanzu ye y’ubukwe yabaye indahiro. Muri ibi bihe ni ko abagore bakundaga kwambara gusa kuba byarakozwe n’uyu mwamikazi akabihuza atya byabihinduye umwe mu mihango y’ubukwe bwo mu burengerazuba tucyuzihiza kugeza uyu munsi. Gusa Victoria si we mugeni wambaye agatimba bwa mbere.
Mu mico myinshi n’amadini arimo Ubukristu, iy’Ubuyuda, Isilamu n’iy’Abahindu- usanga yaragiye akoresha ubwoko bumwe na bumwe bw’agatimba mu bukwe mu gihe kirenga ibinyagihumbi bishize.
Abageni bo mu gihe cya Roma ya kera bambaraga udutimba tw’umuhondo ukeye bivugwa ko bisa n’ibishashi by’umuriro bikaranga urumuri n’urukundo. Abayisilamu kenshi ngo batwikiza isura y’umugeni agatimba nk’uburyo bwo kwerekana ukwicisha bugufi no kumurinda sekibi.
Abageni b’Abayuda bambikwa agatimba nko kwiyibutsa uburyo Yakobo yabeshywe atekewe umutwe akarongora Leya azi ko arongoye Rasheli bituma umukwe azamura agatimba nk’upfukura isura y’umugeni agira ngo amenye neza ko arongoye umugeni nyawe.
Agatimba ariko ngo mu Baromani bizeraga ko karinda kandi kakirukana imyuka mibi yashoboraga kwibasira umugeni.
Kwambara impeta z’ubukwe
Ibi ushatse wabishimira Abanyegiputa nk’abantu batangije umuhango wo gutanga impta y’urukundo. Ruriya ruziga rw’impeta rusobanura ibihe bidashira (eternity), kuko uruziga rutagira itangiriro nturigire iherezo, mu gihe urya mwanya utarimo ikintu uba hagati usobanura irembo rigana ahatazwi.
Ubwo Alegizandere Mukuru Umwami w’Abami w’Abagiriki yigaruriraga Egiputa, Abagiriki batoye uyu muco wo kwambikana impeta bakajya bikorera impeta zabo “z’urukundo” zakorwaga habanje kwambazwa no kuzitura Eros na Cupid, nk’imana z’urukundo n’ibyifuzo.
Abaromani bakomeje uyu muhango w’impeta hanyuma bashyiraho zahabu nk’icyuma izi mpeta zikorwamo cyane rimwe bakazikomeza bashyiraho andi mabuye y’agaciro azwiho gukomera.
Kuva iki gihe, impeta z’ubukwe usanga zikorwa mu bwoko bw’amabuye y’agaciro hakurikijwe ubukungu n’ubushobozi cyangwa aho abashyingirwa bakomoka. Hashize igihe kirekire abagore ari bo bonyine bambara iyi mpeta. Ntibyari bisanzwe ko abagabo bambara impeta y’ubukwe kugeza mu Ntambara ya Mbere y’Isi.
Gupfukama usaba umuntu ko mushakana
Nta muntu uzi neza aho umuhango aho umugabo apfukama asaba umukobwa kuzamubera umugore wantangiriye. Hari abavuga ko waba waratangiriye mu bihe bizwi nk’ibyo hagati (Middle Ages), ni ukuvuga guhera mu kinyejana cya 5 kugeza ku cya 15 aho indwanyi ngo zapfukamaga imbere y’inkumi.
’Gutera ivi’ biragenda byiganwa n’ino aha
Hari abandi bakeka ko kuko cyari ikimenyetso cyo guca bugufi no kumanika amaboko mu ntambara aho abagabo babikoraga nk’uburyo bwo guca bugufi no kwereka abo bakunda ko babihariye kandi babahariye byose ndetse banereka umuryango wabo ko nta kibazo bateye.
Hari n’abakeka ko byaba byaravuye mu muhango w’Abaperesi wo guca bugufi imbere y’umuntu ugana ubutaka nk’ikimenyetso cyo kumwubaha.
Ariko mu gihe umuhango wo gupfukama usaba umuntu ko mubana umaze ibinyejana, usanga ari umuhango ubu weze cyane mu bazungu, ni umuhango watangiye kuba rusange guhera mu myaka ya za 1960.
Kwambara impeta y’ubukwe ku rutoki rwa kane
Benshi mu bagabo n’abagore bashyingiwe usanga bambara impeta zabo z’ubukwe ku rutoki rwabo rwa kane ku kiganza cy’ibumoso usanga mu cyongereza rwitwa “ring finger” ku bw’iyi mpamvu. Mu Kinyarwanda rwitwa Mukuru wa Meme.
Uyu muhango na wo ushora imizi mu Banyegiputa. Aba ngo bizeraga ko icyitwa “vena amoris” cyangwa “vein of love” ni ukuvuga ‘umutsi w’urukundo’ wajyanaga amaraso uvuye muri Mukuru wa Meme ako kanya uyajyana mu mutima. Nta bushakashatsi bwa siyansi bwemeje ibi nk’ukuri gusa nyine biha igisobanuro cyiza kandi kiryoheye amatwi kwambara impeta yawe kuri urwo rutoki.
Abaromani batoye uyu muhango hamwe no guhana impeta nk’ikimenyetso cyo kwerekana urukundo no kwiyemeza ubudahemuka. Kuko abantu benshi usanga bakoresha indyo, umuhango wo kwambara impeta ku kiganza kidakoreshwa cyane wamamaye cyane mu rwego rwo kurinda iyi mpeta kuba yahura n’ibyayimena cyangwa bikayangiza.
Kumena ibirahuri
Si umuhango uzwi cyane ino aha ariko niba warigeze witabira umuhango w’ubukwe bw’Abayahudi, warabibonye cyane cyangwa uzabibona. Aha icyitwa ‘chuppah’ kimeze nk’igisharagati umugeni n’umukwe bahagararamo. Hanyuma havugwa ibisa no gusubiramo ishapure yo kubaturiraho imigisha bigasubirwamo ubugira karindwi. Muri iyi mihango ushobora kuba warumvisemo (cyangwa warabibonye muri filimi), kumenya ikirahure.
Mu gusoza ibirori by’ubukwe bw’Abayahudi, umukwe (cyangwa rimwe na rimwe we n’umugeni) bamena ikirahure gitatseho umwenda mwiza. Ni igikorwa cy’ikimenyetso cy’isenyuka ry’urusengero rw’Abayahudi rw’i Yerusalemu- nk’urwibutso rw’uko Abayahudi bahuritse mu mateka.
Icyakora hari ibindi bisobanuro bivugwa kuri uyu muhango nk’aho igitabo The Jewish Wedding Now kivuga ko byaba na none kwibutsa abageni uko urukundo n’imibanire y’umugabo n’umugore ari ikintu cyoroshye [cyameneka byoroshye] noneho kikaba nk’indahiro nta kizaza ngo gicemo uyu mubano wa bombi.
Kuki umugeni ahagarara ibumoso bw’umusore?
Ngo kera byari ibisanzwe ko umugeni yashimutwa bikaba ari byo byatumye noneho bajya bahagarara ibumoso bw’umusore kugira ngo uyu mukwe amufatishe ikiganza cye cy’ibumoso mu gihe icy’iburyo gifashe gifashe inkota yo kurwanisha n’uwo ari we wese washoboraga kuza ashaka kumushimutira umukunzi.
Hari n’ababihuza ariko n’ibivugwa mu gitabo cy’Itangiriro aho Imana ngo yaremye umugore imukuye mu rubavu rw’ibumoso rw’umugabo we Adamu.
Abasore n’inkumi bagaragira abashyingiwe [best man na bridesmaids] bamara iki?
Ibi kandi mu byo kurinda umugeni ngo ni na ho havuye ko umukwe aba agira umusore wundi umugaragira uzwi nka ‘best man’ mu mico y’Abanglosaxon uyu akaba yari umusore w’inshuti magara kandi yizerwa y’umukwe yabaga imuri iruhande ngo imufashe kurinda umugeni.
Ngo barinda umugeni imyuka mibi
Ni mu gihe n’abakobwa bagaragira umugeni bazwi nka ‘best maids’ na bo uretse kuba barabaga barafashije mu myiteguro y’ubukwe, aba bakobwa na bo bakoraga akazi nk’abarinzi bugarira ngo imyuka mibi itegera umugeni.
Umuceri wajugunywiraga abageni ugenda ucika
Niba waritabiriye ubukwe bwo mu myaka yashize wabonye ko habaga hari umuntu usa n’aho ashinwe gutera abageni umuceri. Ni umuhango ugenda usa n’aho ucika bitari mu Rwanda gusa.
Icyakora kimwe n’utuntu tw’uturabyo twinshi bagendaga bajugunya tuzwi nka confetti mu muco w’Abataliyani byabaga ari isukari year yaterwaga abageni, mu Bwongereza bwa kera, umuceri washushanyaga uburumbuke, ikaba impamvu yo kuwutera umukwe n’umugeni nko kubifuriza kurumbuka bakabyara bakagwira.
