Gutandukana n’uwo mukundana n’uburibwe bizana ni ikintu gishobora rwose gushengura umutima kikawunegekaza. Ku bw’amahirwe make, nta buryo bworoshye bwo guhangana n’agahinda ugira iyo bikubayeho kuko nta muhanga wari yandika agatabo kaguha inama zifatika kandi zitomoye zigusobanurira uko wikuramo umuntu ukunda.
Mu gihe bamwe bibafata igihe gito guhita bakomeza ubuzima bakikuramo umubano w’urukundo warangiye bahozemo, hari abo bifata igihe cy’amezi cyangwa kinarenga, basa n’abari mu kiriyo cy’urukundo batakaje. Ku kigero cyose cy’agahinda waba ufite, ni ingenzi cyane kwibuka ko ubuzima butarangirira aho.
Ntukwiye kureka gukunda dore ko Abameramana gukunda ari ryo tegeko riruta ayandi twahawe n’Imana yacu .
Nta cyo bitwaye kumva hari urugero runaka rw’agahinda gashengura umutima wagize, gusa byatebuka cyangwa bigatinda, wakenera ubufasha bwakunyuza muri iki cyiciro cy’ubuzima kitoroha.
Ubu rero, twifashishije inkuru yasohotse ku rubuga lifehack, turakugezaho ingingo 10 zisa n’utunama twagufasha kwikuramo uwo wankundaga mwatandukanye utabyifuza cyangwa waramukunze we atagukunda.
Mbere ya byose, ukwiye kumenya ko nta gatabo k’amategeko kagena igihe bizagufata kwikuramo no kwimara agahinda uterwa n’icyo kintu ariko reka izi nama tukugira zizakubere urumuri:
1. Ibuka ko nta na rimwe izuba rirenga, n’iyo rirenze rirongera rikarasa
Uzakenera ubwawe kwigenera igihe cyo kubabara koko, kandi nta mpamvu yo kwishyiraho igitutu cyo kuba hari igihe utarenza ukiri mu gahinda. Menya ko igihe ubwacyo ari cyo kimara agahinda hafi ya kose umuntu yagira.
Igihe bifata ngo ube wikuyemo umuntu ukunda, giterwa n’uburyo urukundo rwanyu rwari rumeze, n’ikigero wamukundagaho. Abantu bamwe bibafata igihe gito ngo barenge akababaro baterwa no gutandukana n’abo bakundanye, mu gihe abandi bakenera igihe kirekire kurushaho bitewe n’uburyo basanzwe bakunda, ikigero bimariramo uwo bakunze ndetse n’uburyo babasha kwihanganira ibidashimishije bibagwiririye.
Ababiri (couples) bamaze igihe kirekire bakundana bashobora gukenera igihe kirekire cyo gukira no gukomeza ubuzima bwabo iyo urukundo rwabo rurangiye. Gusa uko icyo gihe cyaba kirekire kose, wowe ukwiye gufata igihe cyo gukira ndetse ukiga uko wakomeza inzira yawe utari kumwe na runaka cyangwa nyirarunaka.
Ibuka ko ari ingenzi kumara igihe cya ngombwa mu gahinda kuko biguha neza irembo rifunga ibyo wahozemo kandi bikagufungurira andi marembo akuganisha ku kindi gice (chapitre) cy’ubuzima bwawe.
Niba ushaka kumenya uko wakira igikomere uzaterwa no kurangira k’umubano w’urukundo warimo (breakup), jya ubiha igihe.
2. Iyemerere kumva amarangamutima yawe
Urukundo rubamo inyanja y’amarangamutima ushobora kogamo ku buryo kuyiheza ngo uyambuke biba ihurizo rikomeye cyane. Na ko ntiwanayiheza.
Aya marangamutima aguhuza n’umukunzi wawe boshye abanywanye, ndetse iyo umubano wanyu urangiye, bisa n’aho noneho uba ugiye kwibasirwa n’umwuzure w’amarangamutima mabi (negative emotions).
Ni ingenzi cyane kuri wowe gufata aya marangamutima ukayakira ntakuganze. Uburibwe bwo mu marangamutima ugira nyuma yo gutandukana n’uwo wakundaga azwiho kuba asa n’ibimenyetso by’agahinda gakabije (depression), bituma uba ugomba gufatirana ukiyitaho.
Ukenera kwakira aya marangamutima mabi ukabana na yo niba ushaka kumenya uko wakira igikomere cy’urukundo rutakomeje [It’s okay]. Wikwibuza kumva bene ayo marangamutima kuko ubwacyo ari igice cy’urugendo rwo gukira. Bizakwemerera kuva mu mubano warimo.
Ushobora kumva ufite ishavu, ubabaye kandi ukomeretse- ushobora kumva bisa n’ibitihanganirwa. Bamwe bumva basa n’abatawe abandi bakumva uguhangayika gusa n’ukugenda kugaruka. Icyakora, ibi byiyumvo cyangwa amarangamutima adufasha muri uru rugendo rwo kubabara.
Hazabaho ibihe uzumva ko ibi bikomere nta ho bizajya. Icyakora, ni ingenzi kwibuka ko nta gahora gahanze, nta cyagize itangiriro kitagize iherezo. Nk’ibindi byiyumvo byose, aya marangamutima ntezaburibwe azahita agende.
3. Siba (umu-Ex) mwahoze mukundana ku mbuga nkoranyambaga na telephone yawe
Bishoboka ko iyi ari yo nama nyayo kandi ikora wakurikiza niba ushaka kwiga uko wakwivana mu kababaro k’urukundo rwarangiye. Imbuga nkoranyambaga zidufasha kuguma twegeranye n’ubuzima bw’abacu batwegereye ndetse n’abo dukunda, ariko si ahantu ho kubona bihoraho ibikwibutsa umu-ex wawe.
Hari impamvu nziza iyo ari yo nama iboneye gusiba inomero ye muri telefoni yawe. Mu gihe uribwa n’agahinda, ushobora gufata umwanzuro wo gusubira mu rukundo rwarangiye cyangwa ugafata telefoni ukavuga ikintu ushobore kuzicuza hanyuma.
Kuko wageze ku cyiciro aho ugira agahinda kava ku wundi muntu, kumenya ibyerekeye ubuzima bwe nta kindi byakumarira uretse kongera umunyu mu gisebe cyatewe n’ako gahinda.
Si ikintu cyagufasha kuguma uzi uko ubuzima bwabo bugenda nyuma yo gutandukana. Ibuka ko udashinzwe iperereza kandi ko nta mpamvu y’uko undi muntu yagira ijambo n’ingaruka ku buzima bwawe.
Bityo rero, ikintu cya mbere ukwiye gukora ni ugusiba umu-Ex wawe ku nkuta z’imbuga nkoranyambaga zawe ndetse na telefoni. Ikindi, ibuka ko uzaba wigirira neza nubigenza utyo. Kuko bizakubashisha kwemeza umutima wawe ko aba umuntu cyangwa kimwe mu bintu by’impitagihe kandi ukeneye gukomeza n’ubuzima ugana imbere. Bizagufasha kandi kurenga ibibi byose (negativity) bifite aho bihuriye n’urukundo rwawe rwarangiye.
4. Ibuka kwikunda
Nyuma yo gutana, ubwonko bwawe bushaka kukugabaho igitero cy’ibitekerezo rimwe na rimwe byo kwishinja amakosa ku kuba urukundo rwanyu rutarakunze.
Kumva ko utari mwiza bihagije si ikintu cyiza ku kwiyubaha kwawe. Uko wibona si ikntu na rimwe gikwiye guhuzwa n’urukundo wahozemo rugapfa.
Aha rero, mara igihe runaka wikunda. Iki cyaba igihe cyiza cyo kwigaburira no kwifureba ibintu n’ibihe bikongera akanyamuneza.
Tegura urugendo rwo gusohokera ahantu iteka wifuje cyangwa kugura wa mwambaro uhenze wigeze utera imboni. Ikindi kuba wafata akanya ugakora urutonde rw’indirimbo zivuga ku batandukanye bakundana bishobora gutuma wumva uruhutse.
Na none kandi, ushobora gukora urutonde rw’ibintu bishimishije kandi byiza kuri wowe. Ibi bintu byose bizakwmerera kwikunda bundi bushya.
Kurema kandi ugasigasira ishusho nziza (positive self-image) ni igice cy’ingenzi cyo kwikunda.
5. Andika uko wiyumva
Ikaramu yawe n’urupapuro bigira ubushobozi bukomeye cyane. Gira agakayi gato wandikamo uko wiyumva muri iki cyiciro cy’ubuzima hanyuma usome ibyo wanditse mu ijwi riranguruye.
Ibi bizagufasha kunguka umucyo utamuye kurushaho ku buryo ubona ibintu ndetse ubone ibiba nk’ubireba atabirimo. Tekereza uburyo witeguye gutera intambwe iganisha ubuzima bwawe imbere.
Hanyuma ushyire izo mpapuro mu isanduku cyangwa ikarito uzibike kure, cyangwa se nushaka uzite.
Ntugomba kumva usa n’uziritswe ku bitekerezo bya kera bituma wiyumva nabi kurushaho. Ushobora kujugunya kure ibyo byiyumvo bibi nk’uko wajugunye izo mpapuro ukarekura bikagenda.
Ushobora yewe gukora urutonde rw’ibintu byagumye bikubangamira mu gihe wari mu rukundo. Gumana uru rutonde nk’inyibutso rw’ibyo wungutse nyuma yo gutandukana n’umukunzi wawe.
6. Hinduramo imbaraga zawe mo ikintu cyiza
Ni ikintu gishingiye kuri kamere kwiyumva uri hasi ukumva ushiramo intege cyane nyuma yo gutana n’uwo mwakundanaga. Bamwe bashobora gufata umwanzuro wo kwirira ibisuguti na za shokola bumva bishinja ubwabo amakosa biyicariye imbere ya televiziyo.
Ahubwo, wowe icyo ukwiye gukora, koresha iki gihe uzamura imyuka (spirits) myiza yawe ngo wigarurire ubutengamare wahoranye mbere yo gutandukana n’umukunzi wawe. Ukeneye kandi ukwiriye rwose gukomeza n’ubuzima, kandi uburyo bwiza ushobora gutangirana ni ugukora imyitozo ngororamubiri (siporo).
Tangira ufate igare unyonge, cyangwa ukore ka muchaka wiruka cyangwa ukore ikindi gikorwa (physical activity) ukoresha ibice by’umubiri wawe kizamura ikigero cyawe cy’umusemburo wa endorphin [soma endofini]. Endofini ni umusemburo w’ibyishimo. Siporo ihoraho ifasha mu gusohora imijagararo (stress) yose yakwirunzemo mu gihe cyo kubabara.
7. Ikongezemo ikibatsi gishya cyo kureba uruhande rwiza rw’ubuzima uhura n’abantu
Koresha imbaraga zawe mu buryo bwiza kurushaho uhitamo gusabana ndetse uniyibutsa ubwiza bwawe n’ibyiza wihariye. Ushobora guhitamo guhura n’inshuti zawe cyangwa abagize umuryango wawe ngo wivane mu rwobo rwuje icuraburindi urimo hanyuma bikagufasha kurebera ubuzima mu mfuruka nziza.
Ibuka ko ubuzima bwawe butarangirira ku mubano w’urukundo rwarangiye. Byagufasha rwose kureka guhobera ibyahise byagusize no kwiyibutsa indi mibano ishamaze wagize cyangwa wagira mu buzima bwawe.
8. Wigumana umujinya no gushinjanya ibyaha
Kugumana uburake ndetse ukomeza guheza inguni ushinjanya ibyaha ku byabaye bishobora kukugiraho ingaruka zikwangiza ndetse zikagaruka abo mubana bya hafi. Niba ushaka uko wakira ibikomere biterwa n’urukundo rutakunze, rwose rekura ubwo burakari bwawe kandi uve mu mukino w’ishinjanyabyaha (blame game).
Uko ubushakashatsi bwa siyansi bubivuga, umujinya n’uburakari bishobora kugukururira indwara y’umutima iwufata izenguruka imitsi ijyana n’iwuvanamo amaraso, ndetse bikakubera intandaro y’ibindi bibazo bifite aho bihurira na siteresi, ibibazo by’igogorwa no kubura ibitotsi (insomnia).
Ugomba kwitegura kunyura mu rugendo rwo gushavura ariko ukibuka kwirinda kutishora na rimwe mu bitekerezo bibi cyane bikabije. Igihe cyose ufashe ikigero gikabije cy’ingufu nyinshi ukazishora mu gushinja no kwitirira undi muntu amakosa, wikuraho ububasha bwawe bwite ukabuha undi muntu.
Iyo usanze udashobora kurekura ibyiyumvo byawe bibi, ugomba gutekereza ku buryo wareka uko wabyirukana mu mpande zose z’ubuzima bwawe. Iki gishobora kuba ari cyo kintu cya nyuma ukeneye gukora, byaba ubu cyangwa nyuma.
Iyibutse ko ibi nubikora, uzaba ubyikorera utabikorera undi.
Ibuka ko nta we mu by’ukuri uri mu makosa utitaye uko ibintu byarangiye. Ibuka kutagira uwo ushinja ibyaha cyangwa amakosa ku kuba urukundo rwanyu rutarakunze. Niba rwari ikintu kitari kigenewe kubaho, mbese Imana ikaba itarashakaga ko rubaho, nta kintu yaba wowe cyangwa umukunzi wawe mwashoboraga gukora ngo bibuze urwo rukundo kurangira. Rekeraho guhoza mu bitekerezo mugenzi wawe umushinja cyangwa wishinja ubwawe kuba intandaro yo gusenyuka k’urukundo rwanyu.
9. Ibuka ko hari undi muntu ugukunda witeguye kuruguhata koko!!!
Ubuzima bwuzuye ibihe bitandukanye kandi urugendo rwacu turuhuriramo n’abagenzi barwo batabarika. Biratangaje cyane gutekereza ko wakunda rimwe risa ridasaga mu buzima bwawe.
Bityo rero, niba wifuza kumenya uko warenga umubano w’urukundo utashobotse, ibuka ko atari ifi imwe iba mu cyuzi ndetse habamo amoko yayo menshi cyane.
Ni ikibazo gusa cyo kurebera ibintu mu ruhande rwiza no kugira ukwizera n’aho kwaba guto kurusha akabuto ka sinapi. Kuba urukundo rwanyu rwaranze bikwiye kukwereka umu-ex wawe nk’aho atari yo mahitamo yawe meza kurusha andi.
Urukundo rushya ruragutegereje, gusa uzabasha kurwakira nuramuka gusa ukomeje inzira igana imbere ukarekura umuntu ukunda ubu nyamara we yitekerereza cyangwa yikundira abandi.
Urukundo rwanze cyangwa rutashobotse rukwigisha ibintu byinshi ugomba guhora wibuka niwongera gukunda na none. Fata ibyakubayeho nk’ubunararibonye, ubukoreshe nk’uburyo bwo gukomeza imbere unashaka urukundo rw’ukuri.
11. Iyo ugeze ku gasongero k’umusozi iteka ubona urumuri
Ushobora kumva usa n’aho uri mu icuraburindi mu gihe runaka. Ni ibyiyumvo byisa n’ibigutera kumva utazongera kubona urukundo rw’ukuri.
Ushobora kwiyumva nk’aho nta gisigaye mu isi. Icyakora, ubuzima burakomeza. Nugera ku mpera y’umusozi, byanga bikunda uzabona urumuri. Wikurayo amaso rero.
Nta kabuza uzongera ukunde kandi ubone wa muntu uzasendereza ubuzima bwawe ibyishimo. Ni ikibazo gusa cyo kugira icyizere gisesuye.
Ibuka ko hari abandi benshi bari mu mimerere nk’iyo urimo ubu. Nurora iruhande, ushobora mu buryo bworoshye kubona ingero z’abantu babashije kubyitwaramo neza bakiga kwakira ibikomere biterwa no gutandukana n’uwo ukunda kandi bakongera bagakunda bisesuye.
Muri make
Urukundo ni icyiyumvo cyihariye ukwacyo kandi kidasanzwe twe ibiremwamuntu dushobora kugira. Icyakora, si ko inkundo zose zirangira neza, rero ni ingenzi kuba wakwitoza kandi ukiga uko warekura runaka ukamurekurana n’ibye byose. Wituma ahahise hakuzitira ngo hakubuze kwishimira ahazaza. Iga uko warenga ‘breakup’ wifashishije utunama nanditse muri iyi nkuru.
Iradukunda Fidele Samson
