Imbuga nkoranyambaga zaramamaye cyane zijya mu buzima bwacu muri iyi minsi ku buryo abantu bazikoresha nk’ababaswe na zo nk’uko umuntu abatwa n’ikindi kiyobyabwenge cyose. Nyamara nubwo zifite ibyiza byinshi, zinafite ubushobozi bwo kuba zakwica cyangwa zikangiza umubano by’umwihariko uw’urukundo gabo gore ku buryo bisaba kwitondera cyane kuzikoresha mu byerekeye urukundo rwa bombi.
Impamvu imwe muri nyinshi ukwiye kwitondera ibyo utangaza ku mbuga nkoranyambaga byerekeye urukundo rwawe n’umukunzi wawe ni uko ibyo uhashyira ari ibintu bizahahahora. Byaba ibyiza cyangwa ibibi ushyize kuri izi mbuga, menya ko nubwo ejo wajyaho ukabisiba, bizahoraho mu buryo bumwe cyangwa ubundi, nk’uko Dr. Carla Marie Manly yabibwiye urubuga Bustle.
Nubwo wenda nta cyo byaba bitwaye kuba wasangiza abandi ubuzima bwawe ku mbuga nkoranyambaga, kuko ushobora kuba ubikunda, hano hari inyungu uzagira niwirinda gutangaza buri kabaye kose mu rukundo rwawe ku mbuga nkoranyambaga nk’uko inzobere zibivuga.
Bizabagabanyiriza igitutu
Kugira ngo ube mu rukundo rugende neza ubwabyo ni akazi katoroshye, noneho kwiyongereraho siteresi yo “kwemeza” abantu ni ibindi. Kuba mu rukundo aho umukunzi wawe yumva yatangaza buri gahe mumaranye ku mbuga nkoranyambaga ni ikintu giteye ishozi kuri bamwe.
Na none kandi, kuko kenshi mutangaza ibyo kenshi ababakurikira baba babitezeho, biryumvikana ibyiza, bishobora gutuma mutita cyangwa ntimumenye ikiri ingenzi kurusha ibindi icyo ari cyo, ari cyo kubaka umubano utanyeganyezwa n’umukunzi wawe.
Kudashyira buri kintu cyose cyerekeye urukundo rwanyu ku mbuga nkoranyambaga bitanga umwanya kuri mwebwe wo kwiga, gukora amakosa no gutera imbere mudashyizwe hasi n’icyifuzo kizanwa n’imbuga nkoranyambaga cyo gushimisha rubanda nyamara rimwe na rimwe namwe mutishimye.
Gushyira urukundo rwanyu ku mbuga nkoranyambaga ni nko kuzamuka ku rubuga (stage) ngo werekane kimwe mu bice bigize ubuzima bwanyu ku karubanda maze uhe rubanda umwanya wo kugira icyo abavugaho abajora, abannyega mbese ngo abavugeho icyo ashatse cyose.
Iyo utangaje urukundo rwanyu ku mbuga, uba wifunguriye ariko unafunguriye urukundo rwanyu umuryango wo kunengwa n’ibitekerezo bitameshe biva ku bandi. Niba hari icyo ushaka kubwira umuntu cyerekereye urukundo rwawe n’umukunzi wawe, icyiza ni uko wabikora ubibwira abantu uzi mu buzima bwa buri munsi ukaba kandi ubizera kuko kubijyana kuri ‘social media’ ni ukwiha amenyo y’abasetsi no kubibwira abagira kenshi ngo “awa”.
Ubuzima bwanyu bwite
Nubwo imbuga zashushe nk’aho ibintu byacu byose zibishyira “ku gasozi”, buriya twese nk’ikiremwamuntu tugira uburenganzira kandi tunakenera kugira ubuzima bwacu bwite no kubwishimira. Kugabanya cyangwa gukura ubuzima bwanyu bw’urukundo ku mbuga nkoranyambaga bizatuma mwumva nta gitutu kibariho cyo gutangaza buri kantu kose ku rukundo rwanyu.
Kwishimira ubuzima bwanyu bwite wowe n’umukunzi wawe mwumva ko bitari ngombwa ko buri wese abamenyera amabanga yanyu y’ikambere ni ikintu buri babiri “couple” bakundana bakenera. Kwirinda gushyira buri cyose ku mbuga rero bizabaha ibi byishimo.
Ikindi, nubwo watangaza ibintu bidafite uko byakwangiza cyangwa ngo bikore ku buzima bwawe bwite, kudahoza ubuzima bwanyu bw’urukundo ku mbuga nkoranyambaga bisobanura ko ari ubwanyu nyine kandi binatuma mwirinda akababaro n’agahinda bushobora guterwa n’ibitekerezo bibi biva hanze muri rubanda.
Muzishimirana kurushaho
Turetse ibyiza byo gutuma mugira ubuzima bwanyu bwite munakeneye cyane mu mubano w’urukundo rwanyu, binaba byiza cyane kumarana igihe cyanyu mwenyine n’umukunzi wawe, mubizi neza ko nta we ubarora na none kandi mutitaye ngo umwe muri mwe arasa ate!
Impamvu ni uko muba muzi ko muri ‘safe’, nta camera ya telefoni ibari iruhande, mbese intero yanyu iba ari “ni nde se utwitayeho?” Aha mubaho nkamwe bitabasabye kubanza kumera nk’abakina filimi babanza kwitokora buri kantu. Binatuma mubaho ubuzima bwanyu mukishimirana uko muri, ikintu cy’ingenzi ku bakundana by’ukuri.
“Kuvana urukundo rwanyu ku mbuga nkoranyambaga bigufasha kubaho mu gihe [live in the moment] utibanda ku gushaka gukora ku buryo bwose wabigenza ngo icyo ukoze kibe ari nta makemwa ku buryo wagisangiza abandi,” ni ko Jonathan Bennett, inzobere mu by’urukundo no kurambagizanya yanashize Double Trust Dating abivuga.
Uzumva wegeranye, uri hafi y’umukunzi wawe kurushaho
Kuba mu rukundo cyangwa kugira uwo mukundana bivuga kumarana n’undi muntu (uwo mukundana nyine) igihe. Aha rero nta kintu cyica cyangwa kibishya ibihe byiza abantu bagirana nko kuba uri kumwe n’umuntu wajya kubona ukabona yeguye telefoni maze yigiriye ku mbuga nkoranyambaga.
Dr. Manley agira ati “Kuva ku mbuga nkoranyambaga bivuga ko ko tuva ku kwihugiraho noneho tugahugira ku bandi tubitaho tutiyitayeho twe ubwacu. Aha kandi dukoresha igice cyacu cy’ubwonko gikuza impuhwe, urukundo no kwita ku bandi maze bikagirira inyungu uwo dukundana.”
Bidukiza ingeso yo kwigereranya isenya urukundo rwa benshi
Inyungu ikomeye yo kudahoza cyangwa se no kuvana burundu urukundo rwanyu ku mbuga nkoranyambaga ni ugutsinda ikigeragezo cy’ibyiyumvo byo kwigereranya n’abandi, ni ko Dr Manly avuga.
Dr. Marie Manly avuga ko nubwo kenshi biba tutabizi, kwigereranya ni ikintu cyangiza cyane amagara yacu yo mu mutwe kandi bikangiza cyane ubuzima bwacu bw’urukundo.
Ngo mu buryo tutazi, kureba ibyo abandi bakundana ‘couples’ bakora, usanga twifuza ko ari ko natwe twakabaye tumeze. Nyamara ngo dukwiye kwibuka ko kenshi niba atari buri gihe ibyo abandi bashyira ku mbuga nkoranyambaga ari ibintu babanza kwigaho. Hari n’ababikora bagamije ‘gutwika’ no gushaka kongera ababakurikira ku mbuga.
Aha rero ikintu cy’ingenzi umuntu aba akwiye kwitaho kikaba ari urukundo n’ibyiza umuntu asangira n’umukunzi we mu buzima busanzwe.
Uko wishyira kure y’imbuga nkoranyambaga ndetse n’urukundo rwawe, uzabona byinshi byiza kurutaho no kwishimira ku mukunzi wawe ndetse bibagarire urukundo rwanyu.
Byoroshya kandi bigakiza vuba igikomere ugira iyo mutandukanye
Gutandukana n’uwo mwakundanaga ni ikintu kibabaza nyamara kikarushaho cyane iyo wagiye ushyira urukundo rwawe n’uwo nmwakundanaga ku mbuga nkoranyambaga.
Iyo ukundana n’umuntu usanga warasangije ibihe byiza mwagiranye ku mbuga nkoranyambaga, mugasa n’aho isi yose mwari kumwe muri urwo rugendo. Wagiye uha abagukurikira ‘followers’ uburenganzira bwo kwinjira mu rukundo rwanyu, wiyibagije ko urukundo rwawe n’umukunzi wawe ari mwe mwenyine muharanira ko hari icyo rwageraho.
Iyo mugize mutya mugatandukana, ni bwo noneho hatangira ibibazo byo kukubaza ibibazo bidashira byerekereye urwo rukundo. Bazagucyurira maze bakugire iciro ry’imigani kenshi kubera ibyo wavuze cyangwa watangaje ku mukunzi wawe ku mbuga! Bizaba nk’umunyu basize mu gisebe cyo gutandukana ‘breakup’ n’uwo wakundaga.
Hari n’abaza gushyira ibitekerezo ‘comments’ ku bihe cyangwa amafoto wagiye ushyira kuri izi mbuga uri kumwe n’umukunzi wawe bagira ngo bakujombe ibikwasi mu gisebe.
Hari n’ubwo wihutira gusiba ayo mafoto cyangwa amagambo wahashyize, nyamara abantu bakaba barabibitse, kenshi nka ‘screenshot’, maze mu gihe utarakira ibikomere watewe no gutandukana n’uwo wakundaga, cyangwa utanashaka kubyibuka, wajya kubona, ukabona umuntu abikoherereje ‘inbox’ cyangwa akanabyoherereza umukunzi wawe mushya.
Iyo ukenze rero ukirinda gushyira ibyerekereye urukundo rwawe ku mbuga nkoranyambaga, bigufasha gukira vuba hanyuma intekerezo zawe ukazerekeza ku bindi bintu by’ingenzi.
