Urukundo

Amabanga utari uzi akomeza urukundo rwa kure y’amaso

Amabanga utari uzi akomeza urukundo rwa kure y’amaso

Iyo umukunzi wawe aguhamagaye kuri telefoni, iyo umwitabye utangira kumwenyura wishimye ugahumbya amaso nk’urota ko muri kumwe nka bimwe byo kurota ku manywa, icyakora ntutinda kwigarura ukibuka ko akuri kure unibaza niba bizakunda ko bigenda neza hagati yawe na we mutabonana amaso ku maso.

Uko isi igenda itera imbere, ubuzima bugenda buhinduka ku buryo kubera gushabika no gushaka kwiteza imbere, usanga abakundana rimwe na rimwe banashakanye nk’umugabo n’umugore batabana umunsi ku munsi nk’uko bisanzwe.

Rimwe na rimwe uzasanga abantu bakundana bari mu bihugu bitandukanye, abandi bashakanye, kubera impamvu z’akazi, bakabona rimwe mu cyumweru, cyangwa mu byumweru bibiri cyangwa yewe rimwe mu kwezi.

Ni ibisanzwe ku bantu bakundana batabana hafi kwibaza icyo wumva wakora ngo urukundo rwanyu rusugire mu gihe aba kure yawe.

Muri iyi nkuru nkesha urubuga lifehack, ngiye kukumenera amabanga ushobora kuba utarumvise ahandi mbere yagufasha mu rukundo igihe cyose uwo mukundana atari hafi yawe mbese ari kure y’amaso yawe.

Ese ubundi abantu bakundana umwe ari kuri y’undi bigakunda?

Igisubizo gushobora kuba yego cyangwa oya.
Buriya, hari ibintu bitatu bituma urukundo hagati y’umuntu w’igitsina gabo n’uw’igitsina gore rubaho rukagenda neza:
1. Kugira icyerekezo kimwe
2. Kwiyumvanamo no guhuza amarangamutima
3. Kuba mwegeranye ku ngingo yo guhuza ibitsina

Biragaragara neza ko iyo mukundana mutari kumwe, icya gatatu kiba kidahari kandi ubundi cy’ingenzi cyane kiba kidahari kuko ntiwakwegera umukunzi wawe mu buriri ngo mwishimane kandi muri ahantu hatandukanye.

Ugomba kumenya ko kuba hari ukuntu wiyumva mu muntu ariko mutegeranye, mutabana ari nk’ubucuti busanzwe busa. Kandi birumvikana ko uba utifuza ko umukunzi wawe aba ari aho nk’inshuti isanzwe cyangwa ngo wemere ko bibaho.

Kugira ngo rero urukundo rwanyu rukomeze rusugire mu gihe uwo mukundana atakuri hafi, ukwiye kugerageza gukora ibi bintu bikurikira:

Iyo uwo mukundana akuri kure, icya mbere mukwiye gukora ni ukugira icyerekezo kimwe, ukita kumenya kwigenzura no kugenzura uko wiyumva ndetse ugatera ingabo mu bitugu umukunzi wawe ukurikije uko yiyumva n’ibihe arimo bimukora ku mutima…gusa ntukore nk’aho umukunzi wawe azagufasha igihe wumva utentebutse.

Kubera ko muba mushobora guhura rimwe na rimwe mu buryo budahoraho, ni n’iby’ingenzi cyane kumenya uko witwara nimuhura amaso ku maso kugira ngo hatagira ikirogoya umubonano wanyu cyangwa ukazamo agatotsi. Ibi bituma umubano wanyu ugira ingufu ntube nk’uhagaze ku buce.

Ikindi cy’ingenzi mu rukundo ni ukwizerana, kandi bikaba ingenzi cyane kurushaho iyo mukundana mutari kumwe. Uba ukwiye kwiyumvisha ko imbaraga n’igihe uta ku mukunzi ukuri zizabyara ibyishimo by’ubuzima muzabanamo.

1. Mukwiye guhuza icyerekezo cy’ubuzima

Kuba muhuje icyerekezo cy’ubuzima ntibituma mwiyumvanamo gusa ahubwo bituma wumva umukunzi wawe arushaho kugukurura. Reka nguhe ingero ebyiri zisobanura neza ibyo nanditse:

Urugero rwa mbere: Sarah na Joe bakundana batari kumwekandi ni bwo bagitangira gukorana umushinga wo kuri murandasi (online business). Bafite icyerekezo kimwe kuko bashaka kwiteza imbere ariko banagirira abantu benshi akamaro. Bafite intego ko bazatangira kuba mu mujyi umwe mu mwaka ukurikira.

Urugero rwa kabiri: Alex na Samantha barashakanye ariko ubu amwe aba kure y’undi. Babyaranye abana babiri, umuhungu w’imyaka 13 n’umukobwa w’imyaka 11.
Bombi bakunda abana babo kandi bifuza ko abo bana babaho mu buzima bw’umuryango wishimye. Kuko bifuza kuba icyitegererezo cy’umuryango wishimye ku bana babo, Alex na Samantha bafite umugambi wo kuzimuka noneho bagatura mu mujyi umwe mu gihe gito kiri imbere.

Muri izi ngero ebyiri, biragaragara izi ‘couples’ ebyiri zombi zifite icyerekezo cy’ahazaza kimwe zihuriyeho. Kuba bakundana batari kumwe ntibibabuza kwishima kuko baharanira kuzabaho neza ahazaza.

Mwaba mukundana mutari kumwe cyangwa muba mu gace kamwe, kugira icyerekezo kimwe n’intego ikomeye biruseho ni urufunguzo rukubashisha kuguma ushyize umutima ku cyo ushaka kurema. Ibi bigira cyane akamaro mu bihe habayeho kutumvikana hagati yawe n’umukunzi wawe.

Icyakora, ‘couples’ nyinshi usanga zidasangiye icyerekezo gikomeye cyangwa ugasanga ntizizi neza icyo zishaka kugeranaho. Kutagira icyerekezo musangiye rero bishobora gutuma urukundo rwanyu rugenda nabi igihe mukundana umwe ari kure y’undi.

2. Mukwiye gukomeza uko mwiyumvanamo n’amarangamutima

Aha, uba ugomba gukomeza umutima wawe uko wiyumva ndetse n’uko wiyumvanamo n’umukunzi wawe. Ibi bisaba ko umenya ko ari wowe ubwawe uzagenzura uko wiyumva , ntugereke umutwaro w’ibyifuzo kuri mugenzi wawe [mukundana].

Kuba wabaho nk’uri wenyine biragoye ariko na none si byiza ko imihangayiko yawe yose, utubazo n’indi mijagararo ufite uyirunda ku mukunzi wawe kuko ibi bituma atangira kwibaza niba uri umuntu wa nyawe mwabana, mbese bishobora gutuma uko yakwiyumvagamo bigabanuka.

Ikintu gishobora gutuma umukunzi wawe agushyira mu gatebo nk’ak’izindi nshuti ze ni uguhora umubwira akantu kose kakubayeho buri kanya buri munsi. Impamvu ni uko ibi bishobora kurambira umukunzi wawe bigatuma ashobora kuba yagabanya urugero yagukundagamo.

Birashoboka ko wumva wahamagara umukunzi wawe buri uko bwije n’uko bukeye ariko guhora muvugana bishobora gutuma agabanya uko akwiyumvamo bikaba byakwangiza urukundo mukundana umwe ari kure y’undi.

Kwiyitaho ugaharanira iterambere ryawe ku giti cyawe nk’umuntu ukagira ubuzima bwawe bwite hanze y’urukundi rwanyu ni ingenzi cyane hagati y’abakundana bifuza kurambana. Gusangiza umukunzi wawe utuntu twiza wagezeho cyangwa wabonye bituma uko umukunzi wawe yumva umukurura byiyongera.

Uko wabigenza ngo ukomeze ukurure umukunzi wawe ahore abona uri mushya

Kugira ngo wongere impamvu zatuma umukunzi wawe akwiyumvamo kurushaho, kumwoherereza ubutumwa bugufi buganisha ku mibonano mpuzabitsina bishobora gukomeza urukundo mukundana mutegeranye. Utu ‘messages’ duto dushotorana ku byerekeye ‘imibonano’ dushobora gufasha urukundo gukura no kuguma rusugiye kurusha uko wakwirirwa ubwira umukunzi wawe uko umunsi wawe ugenda kandi bigatuma umuriro w’urukundo mu by’ibitsina ubanyura mwembi.

Ni muri ubu buryo, mushobora gusubizanya ubu butumwa musa n’aho mutinze ukuntu kandi uko mutinda mbere yo gusubiza ni ko muzamura ikigero cyo kwiyumvanamo no gukururana.

Kumenya igihe ukorera ibi na cyo ni ingenzi cyane. Kubaha ibyifuzo bya mugenzi wawe byo hanze y’urukundo rwanyu bituma na byo akwiyumvamo kurushaho. Uba ukwiye koherereza umukunzi wawe ubutumwa nk’ubwo navugaga haruguru ubizi neza ko atari kumwe n’umukoresha we, atari gusangira ifunguro ryo ku manywa n’umwisengeneza we cyangwa yasuye ababyeyi be.

Kugira ngo umukunzi wawe akwiyumvemo kurushaho, uba ugomba kwigirira icyizere haba hanze ndetse no mu cyumba muryamamo.

3. Kuganira no kwegerana ku ngingo y’imibonano mpuzabitsina

Hari ikintu cy’ingenzi abantu badashaka kuganiraho, iyo bigeze mu muco nyarwanda, bihuma byarebaga imirari. Nyamara kwegerana no kuganira ku byerekeye imibonano mpuzabitsina ni ingenzi cyane ku bantu bakundana batari kumwe.

Iyo mugitangira gukundana mutari kumwe, bishobora kubabera akabazo kwibanda mu kwiyumvanamo n’ibindi byose bigenda neza ariko ntimuganire ku bintu bishobora kubangamira urukundo rwanyu.

Hari ama ‘couples’ menshi nzi akundana batabana bangaga kuganira ku ngingo yerekeye imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Akenshi kwanga kuganira ku mibonano mpuzabitsina byerekana impungenge umwe mu bakundana aba afite kuri iyi ngingo. Kandi akenshi usanga muri bo ahangayikiye ikintu gituma n’ubundi imikorere y’iki gikorwa itamera neza. Ibi ni ibintu bibaho cyane kuko 31% by’abagabo na 43% by’abagore birabagora kandi byangiza urugero umuntu yigiriramo icyizere n’agaciro yiha bigatuma ataganira kuri iyi ngingo ubundi y’ingenzi mu mibanire y’umugabo n’umugore.

Kutaganira kuri iyi ngingo ni amahitamo atera ibibazo no guhangayika mu rukundo kuko umwe mu bakundana atangira kwibaza impamvu mugenzi we adashishikajwe no kuba bakwegerena muri iki gikorwa. Nta gushidikanya ko iyi ngingo ari yo ituma urukundo rw’abakundana batabana rutaramba.

Ni ingenzi cyane kumenya ko ibibazo bishingiye kuri iyi ngingo biterwa akenshi no kwibanda ku gikorwa kitari icya nyacyo mu gihe kitari icya nyacyo.

Mu muco wo mu Burengerazuba bw’isi, kuganira ku mibonano mpuzabitsina ni nk’ikizira, ibi kandi ni ko bimeze mu Rwanda. Ibi rero bitera abakundana kumva batishimye kandi bakumva bari mu rujijo iyo ‘couples’ zitabiganiyeho.

Noneho iyo abakundana batabana birakomera, aho baba bashishikajwe no kongera uko biyumvanamo. Bashobora gutegereza igihe kirekire kurusha abandi mbere yo kuganira ku mibonano mpuzabitsina mbere yo kuganira ku bindi bibashimisha, guhura no kuba bagira icyo bakora cyerekeye imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Igihe cyose uhisemo kuruca ukarumira ku ngingo y’imibonano mpuzabitsina n’umukunzi mukundana mutabana, ukwiye kumenya ko uri kuroha ubwato bwawe urimo mu rukundo mu ngeri. Ibi bishobora gutuma uwo mukundana atakaza ubushake bwo guhuza ibitsina nawe.

Uko wabigenza ngo uko mwiyumvanamo mu by’ibitsina byiyongere

Mu gihe ari ingenzi kuganira ku by’ibitsina ngo muri ku ipaji imwe, kuzuza ibi byifuzo birakomeye gato kurushaho.

Nkuko nabyanditse mbere, ushobora gutangira kwaindikira umukunzi wawe ubutumwa bugufi bwerekeye uguhuza ibitsina. Ibi si ngombwa ko umwoherereza ya mafoto n’amashusho wambaye ubusa buri buri. Uko mbyumva, iyo woherereje umukunzi wawe amafoto ufite icyo wambaye, uramukurura kurushaho ugatuma agutekereza kurushaho kuko nyine utuma atangira kukwibazaho utubazo, ibi kandi ni ingenzi mu gutuma akomeza kukwiyumvamo bigatuma ikibatsi cy’urukundo kiguma kigurumana.
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Icyakora ugomba kumenya kugenzura ibyo utekereza ngo bitabangamira ibyishimo byawe. Aha uba ugomba kwitondera ibyo wibaza ngo bitakujyana kure bikakwangiza.

Ubundi buryo bwo kuzuza ibyifuzo byawe mu by’ibitsina igihe uwo mukundana mutari kumwe ni ukuba wagira ibyo ukora byo guhanga nko kwandika igitabo, kujya mu nzu rusange za siporo (gym) cyangwa ukagira icyo uhindura mu mwuga ukora.

Mu by’ukuri, iyo ibyifuzo byawe bidahise bisubizwa n’umukunzi wawe, kandi ntubifate nk’aho ari ikibazo, aha uba ushobora kubaka ikintu cy’akabataraboneka muri wowe.

Wowe uba ugomba kumva neza ko udakwiye gushyira iherezo ku bushake bwawe bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina ‘ugerageza kutabitekerezaho’. Impamvu ni uko aho umutima wawe uri ari na ho imbaraga zawe ziba.

Muri make

Gukundana mutabana umunsi ku munsi umwe ari kure y’amaso y’undi bisaba imihate ihoraho kandi ukitondera utuntu duto duto. Nk’undi mubano wose, uba ukwiye kuganiriza umukunzi wawe ibyifuzo n’inzozi zawe kandi ugahora utera intambwe yo kuzikabya.

TANGA IGITEKEREZO

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