“Ibintu bibi n’ibyago bibaho, ‘kandi bizahoraho’; uko mbyitwaramo iyo bimbayeho ni cyo gisobanura uwo ndi we n’ubuzima bwanjye. Nshobora guhitamo kwicara ngaheranwa n’agahinda boshye uri mu gahinga ka Yihande, ngashengurwa n’uburemere bw’ibyo nabuze, cyangwa guhaguruka nemye nkava mu kababaro maze nkishimira kandi ngaha agaciro impano ikomeye kandi y’agaciro irusha izindi zose mfite – ari bwo ubuzima ubwabwo.
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Aya ni amagambo ya Walter Anderson, umwanditsi n’umunyabugeni w ‘icyamamare w’Umunyamerika wabayeho kuva mu 1903 kugeza mu 1965.
Kubura uwo ukunda bitewe n’urupfu, itandukana ry’abashakanye (divorce), kutumvikana mu rukundo cyangwa kuvamo inda ukubise igihwereye, ni ibihe bibabaza kandi bigashegesha amarangamutima.
Ibihe nk’ibi bisa n’ikigeragezo cy’ubuzima uzasanga bitubaho twese cyangwa hafi ya twese, kandi bitubaho inshuro irenze imwe mu buzima bwacu.
Ndibuka inshuro ya mbere, ubwo nari ncyinjira mu myaka y’ababarirwa muri za makumyabiri ubwo naburaga umwe mu bantu nakundaga, ni Kathryn Sanford, umwanditsi unakora umwuga wo gutoza abandi kwihagararaho mu bibazo akaba kandi umujyanama ku buzima bwo mu mutwe, utubarira kandi akaba ari na we wanditse iyi nkuru dukesha Lifehack.
Ati “Uyu nakundaga kandi dukunda we yafashe umwanzuro ko atankundaga nyuma yo kubitekerezaho, ko twari dukwiye kubihagarika maze tugakomeza ubuzima bititwa ko dukundana. Nashengutse umutima cyane kandi mu by’ukuri numvaga ntazi icyo nakora ngo nsohoke kandi nkire uyu mubabaro.
Ni ko byagenze, naje gukira ibikomere kandi mu by’ukuri uku gutandukana n’uwo nakundaga (breakup) kwatumye mva ha handi uba wumva nta kigoye gihari (comfort zone). Naragiye mva mu gihugu nabagamo njya mu mahanga mu gihe cy’imyaka runaka. Nubwo ntatekerezaga ntyo muri kirya gihe, ariko gutandukana kwanjye na nyamusore uyu akanyanga byangiriye umumaro ukomeye.
Na none kandi kubura ababyeyi banjye cyabaye ikindi kigeragezo n’ikizamini gikomeye cy’ubuzima cyashyize isi yanjye mu kajagari n’agahinda ko ku rwego rugoye cyane kwihanganira.
Ndibuka ko nisanze mu bitekerezo bisa neza neza nk’ibyo nagize cya gihe nyuma yo gutandukana n’uwo twakundanaga nkiri mu myaka yanjye mike ya za 20.
Naribazaga nti “Noneho ndazibandwa nzerekeza he? Aka kababaro ko ndagakira nte? Umuti w’aka gahinda uzaba uwuhe koko?”
Icyakora nihuse, agahinda ko kubura ababyeyi banjye no gutandukana n’uwo nakundaga naragakize kandi umusaruro w’ibi bihombo byombi ni uko byankomeje bikangira umuntu ukomeye kurushaho mu marangamutima ndetse bikazamura cyane urwego rwanjye rw’ubudaheranwa mu buzima.
Nizera ko ibibazo nk’ibi by’ubuzima ari byo biduha amahirwe yo gukura no gukomera nk’umuntu ndetse no kwiga amasomo akomeye kurusha ayandi y’ubuzima bwacu.
“Mu ishuri wigishwa isomo hanyuma ugahabwa ikizamini. Mu gihe mu buzima, uhabwa ikizamini kikaba ari cyo kikwigisha isomo,” ni imvugo yamamaye mu magambo ya Malcom X.
Malcom X ni umwe mu mpirimbanyi zikomeye zabayeho zaharaniye uburenganzira bw’abirabura bo muri Amerika no kurandura ihohoterwa n’ubusumbane bwabagirirwaga akaba kandi umuhanga mu kuvuga imbwirwaruhame. Yapfuye arashwe mu 1964.
Nkunda cyane aya magambo ya Malcom X yavuze asobanura uburyo twigishwa amasomo yacu y’ubuzima – tugomba kubanza kugeragezwa dukora ikizamini kugira ngo twige isomo.
Kubura uwo ukunda ni isomo n’ikigeragezo cy’ubuzima kandi nta bubasha ugira bwo kugenzura ibibazo, ibyago n’ibigeragezo ubuzima bukugenera, biza bidateguje. Icyakora icyo ufite ni ububasha bwo kugenzura uko witwara kuri ibi bibazo by’ubuzima.
Hano hari ibintu 7 by’agaciro nize nk’umusaro wo kubura no gutakaza mu buzima bwanjye abantu nakundaga cyane.
Ndashaka kugusangiza aya masomo ngira ngo ngutere akanyabugabo n’umurava, kugira ngo bigufashe kubaho ubuzima mu mwuzuro wabwo, ukomeze urugendo rugana ku nzozi zawe ubudasubira inyuma, wizamuremo imbaraga usanganywe zo guhangana n’imiraba n’imiyaga igusanga mu bwato bw’ubuzima, kubaho mu gihe ugezemo ukacyishimamo kandi ukishimira impano z’ubuzima z’ubuzima zirimo ibyishimo, guseka n’urukundo.
1. Baho Ubuzima Bwawe mu Mwuzuro Wabwo Kuko Bushobora Guhinduka mu Kanya nk’Ako Guhumbya
“Ubuzima ni urugendo rwo gutinyuka ukavumbura cyangwa bukaba ntacyo buri cyo. Kugira ngo dukomeze duhange amaso impinduka kandi twitware nk’imyuka yigenga itagira ikiyihungabanya mu gihe ikigeni kije ni imbaraga zidatsimburwa.” Ni amagambo ya Helen Keller, umwanditsi w’icyamamare w’Umunyamerikakazi wapfuye mu 1968 afite imyaka 88.
Data na mama bapfuye mu minsi itatu ikurikirana kandi ubwo bapfaga ubuzima bwanjye bwahindutse mu kanya nk’ako guhumbya mba nk’ukubiswe n’inkuba itagira amazi. Ni Cathryn Sanford ukomeza atubarira inkuru ye.
Ati “Guhera uwo munsi ni bwo namenye uburyo ubuzima ari ubw’agaciro gakomeye kandi ko buhenze cyane. Namenye agaciro ko kubaho mu buzima mu mwanya n’igihe ugezemo kandi ntiwifuze ko ubuzima urimo bwajya kure kumwe wumva ubwanze ukumva icyabiruta ari uko wabuvamo wiyahuye.
Niba ufite inzozi runaka nyamara ukaba utinya gutangira kugira icyo uzikoraho – ntukwiye gutegereza igihe runaka nyacyo, kuko nta gihe nyacyo gikwiriye kibaho, wowe gira icyo ukora. Shaka uburyo maze utangire urugendo rwo kugera ku nzozi zawe.
Ibyo nahaga agaciro nkabishyira imbere y’ibindi (priorities) na byo byarahindutse maze menya ko nagombaga kumenya neza icyari ingenzi kurusha ibindi mu buzima bwanjye. Kuri njye, icya mbere cyari gifite agaciro cyari umuryango wanjye n’inshuti zanjye zari ingenzi kurusha ibindi mu buzima bwanjye.
Kugira ngo ngere ku nzozi zanjye zo kuba umwanditsi, umuntu uvugira imbere y’abandi abatera umwete (motivational speaker) ndetse n’umutoza byabaye ikintu cy’ingenzi kuruta ibindi byo gukora mu buzima bwanjye. Namenye ko nagombaga gukurikira inzozi zanjye kuko ntashakaga gusubiza amaso inyuma mu buzima ngo nicuze mvuga ngo nakabaye naragize ntya cyangwa kurya.
Ubuzima ni bugufi cyane ku buryo wabubamo wicuza! Baho ubuzima bwawe, fata umwanya wo kubaka ibyo uzibuka nyuma y’imyaka (memories) maze wishimire ibihe umarana n’abantu ukunda. Menya kandi ushyire ku murongo ibyo ushyira imbere maze umenye icy’ingenzi kurusha ibindi.
2. Ishimire kandi ushimire kuko burya abantu bafite agaciro kurusha icyo ari cyo cyose kindi
Eckhart Tolle, umwanditsi w’Umunyakanada yaravuze ati “Kumenya no kwishimira ibyiza n’iby’agaciro ufite mu buzima bwawe ni wo musingi wo kunyurwa n’ubukire bwose.”
Abantu bawe muhorana mbese bakuba iruhande – umuryango wawe ndetse n’inshuti ni cyo kintu cy’agaciro kuruta ibindi ufite. Aba ni ingenzi cyane kurusha amafaranga, imbaraga, ubutegetsi cyangwa ubwamamare, amamodoka, amazu, amato, cyangwa ibiruhuko wakorera hanze y’igihugu nko muri Zanzibar, Maldives cyangwa ku mucanga wa Miami.
Ibi bintu byose bifatika wirundaniriza, imitungo yawe ndetse n’ubutware cyangwa ubutegetsi ni ibintu byoroshye kubona kandi binoroshye cyane gutakaza. Abantu mu buzima bwawe bagukunda kandi bagushyigikira nta nyungu bakugamijeho, iyo ubatakaje, ntushobora kubagarura.
Iteka ukwiriye kwereka urukundo kandi ukishimira bene abo wahawe nk’impano y’ubuzima. Ibuka ko abantu ukoraho ubashimira kandi ubishimira bazakuzanira ibyishimo bikomeye no kumva uhagijwe mu buzima bwawe. Witinya kwereka urukundo n’ubwuzu abantu. Fata umwanya uhamagare ya nshuti yawe mumaze imyaka mudaherukana.
Wituma agahinda n’akababaro kakujyana kure y’abantu. Fata umwanya wo gusigasira wo kubagarira imibanire yawe n’abo bantu. Buriya ukeneye imbaraga z’abandi ngo zigufashe gukira mu bihe by’ibikomere by’umutima.
Iri somo riri mu yo nize hakiri kare mu rugendo rwanjye. Simba nararokotse agahinda ko kubura ababyeyi banjye iyo hataba umuryango wanjye n’inshuti zanjye.
3. Gukira ni urugendo – menya imiterere y’urugendo kandi we kubyihutisha!
“Ni uko rero, ndategereza. Ntegereza igihe cyo gukira uburibwe no kongera guhaguruka nkema ku maguru yanjye na none – kugira ngo mbashe gutangira inzira nshya, inzira yanjye bwite, inzira inzandemamo undi jye wese wuzuye na none.” Aya yo ni amagambo ya Jan Canfield, umwanditsi w’ibitabo, uvuga ibitera abandi umwete (motivational speaker), akaba azwi cyane mu rukurikirane rw’inyandiko zo mu gitabo kizwi nka Chicken Soup for the Souls n’icyitwa The Success Principles.
Kubura uwo cyangwa icyo wakundaga bishengura cyane umutima.
Dushobora kumva turakajwe no gusigwa cyangwa gutabwa na runaka cyangwa nyirarunaka twakundaga, dushobora kumva rwose twiganyira, agahinda kakaduhindanya ndetse tukumva ejo hazaza hacu hadutera ubwoba.
Mu gihe twiyuva dutyo tuba dukwiriye kumenya ko bene ibi byiyumvo n’amarangamutima ari ibintu nyabyo cyane kandi ko dukeneye guca muri urwo rugendo tugasogongera akababaro kacu.
Emera ko bifata igihe ngo ukire ibikomere kandi ko ku mpera y’ubuvumo bwijimye haba urumuri. Icyo ugomba gukora gusa wowe ni ukugenda inzira y’ubwo buvumo.
Ushobora kuvuga uti “reka nze nihererane uburibwe nikomeze mbushyingure imbere mu mutima” ari ko wibwira ko uzahangana na bwo maze ubuzima bugakomeza. Nyamara, icyo nakubwira ni uko utamenya ngo unahangane n’uburibwe bw’amarangamutima, ubwabwo bugusanga aho uri.
Igihe cyose uhisemo guhisha agahinda kawe muri wowe ugasa n’upfuka igisebe kitomowe, icyo wamenya ni uko rimwe kazakubyukana nk’ikirunga kirutse kandi kakagarukana imbaraga ku buryo utazamenya ikigukubise.
Ikindi gice cy’ingenzi nizera mu rugendo rwo gukira ibikomere ni Imbabazi. Kubabarira ni kimwe mu bintu bikomeye kurusha ibindi, cyane cyane nk’iyo runaka agutaye, akaguhemukira yica isezerano mwagiranye kandi wamukundaga.
Ibitekerezo bibi bizana n’uburakari n’uburibwe ni ibintu byangiza cyane roho yawe. Uko ukomeze kwanga no gusuzugura umuntu wagutaye ni ko bigabanya amahirwe yo gukira cyangwa yo gukira vuba ibikomere yaguteye.
Kubabarira ntibiza ako kanya. Ni urugendo rufata igihe no kwihangana. Icyakora, igihe cyose uciye imigozi y’ibitekerezo n’imigirire mibi, ugira imbaraga ziruseho zo kubaho ubuzima bwuje icyizere, kwizera ko ibintu bizagenda neza ndetse n’ibyishimo.
Ukwiye kwibera mwiza, ntuterwe ngo nawe witere [be kind to yourself]. Njye byamfashe igihe kirekire cyo kwiga kwigirira ineza no kwishakira umwanya nkawiha. Iyo mba naramaze igihe kiruseho niyitaho, ngasangiza abandi uburibwe bwanjye aho kugerageza kwikomeza igihe cyose – kugira kwanjye kwakabaye kwarabaye urugendo rwanjye rwakabaye rwaranyoroheye kurushaho.
4. Koresha imbaraga zawe z’amahitamo – hitamo kubaho ubuzima bw’ibyishimo no kubaho wizeye
“Hari imvugo y’Abanya-Tibe igira iti ‘Ibyago byagakoreshejwe nk’isoko y’imbaraga. Uko ingorane zamera kose, uko uburibwe bwaba buhambaye kose, iyo dutakaje icyizere, icyo ni cyo cyago nyacyo tuba tugize.” Dalai Lama XIV ni we wavuze ibi. Lama ni umuyobozi mu idini y’Abashinwa
Ntidushobora rwose kugenga, kugenzura no kubuza ibintu bibi biba mu buzima bwacu, icyakora dushobora cyane rwose kugenga no gutegeka uko tubyitwaramo binyuze ku Bubasha bwacu bwo Guhitamo.
Icyangombwa ni uko uko tubaho ubuzima bwacu bigenwa n’uburyo twihitiramo ubwacu kububaho.
Iyo duteye intambwe tugana mu gukoresha ububasha bwacu bwo guhitamo, tuba dushaka ibisubizo byo guhangana n’ingorane tugomba kunyuramo. Gukoresha imbaraga zacu zo guhitamo bidushoboza kumenya uko dushobora gukomeza dutera intambwe igana imbere.
Mu gukomeza tugana imbere, tugumana icyizere cy’eho hazaza kandi buriya icyizere kizana n’ubuzima bw’ibyishimo.
Ukwiye guhitamo guhinduramo igihombo n’uburibwe bwawe urugendo rwo kwiga ubuzima aho umusaruro wabyo uba ko ukomera kurushaho, ukagira imbaraga zirushijeho kandi ukabaho ubuzima bwuje umukiro kurushaho.
5. Shaka wowe ubwawe n’intego yawe mu buzima
“Nugira icyo utakaza mu buzima bwawe, reka gutekereza ko icyo ari igihombo kuri wowe…ni impano uba uhawe kugira ngo ugere neza mu nzira ikuganisha aho wagenewe kujya, aho kuba aho utekereza ko wagombye kuba wagiye.” Ni Suze Orman, umunyamakuru kuri televiziyo, umwanditsi w’Umunyamerikakazi wibanda cyane ku nama mu by’imari, wavuze ibi.
Igihe cyose naburaga umuntu nakundaga bitewe wenda n’urupfu cyangwa ikindi nko gutandukana, iteka nimenyagaho kandi nkiyigaho byinshi.
Kuri njye, kugira intego y’ubuzima biha ubuzima bwanjye igisobanuro. Ntugatakaze imbaraga zawe ku bitagira umumaro. Ita cyane ku cyo ufite, bitari uguteshwa umutwe n’igihe n’icyo udafite. Witeshwa umutwe n’urugendo rwo kubona intego yawe mu buzima kuko ubuzima ni urugendo rurerure.
Wowe gena umugambi (plan) maze ugire icyo ukora (take action) – kandi ntubivemo (don’t give up) utabigezeho. Ihe ubwawe intego nyazo kandi zishoboka maze ugende utera intambwe ku gihe, buhoro buhoro bugeza umuhovu ku mugezi.
Ishimire ibyo ugezeho, mbese igihe cyose hari intego wari wihaye ugezeho uko yaba nto cyangwa nini kose, byishimire kandi ubisangize abo ukunda. Ibyishimo biza igihe uzi icyo ukora ukizera ibyo ukora kandi ugakunda ibyo ukora.
Gushaka ibyishimo byawe ni ukubaho ubuzima bufite igisobanuro kandi iyo ubonye intego yawe mu buzima, wongera ibyishimo byawe ku kigero cya 200%.
6. Wituma ahahise hawe haganza ubuzima bwawe bwa none n’ubw’ejo hazaza
“Ushobora gufata ukomeje cyane nk’uhobeye ahahise ku buryo huzura ibiganza byawe bigasigara nta mwanya washyiramo ejo hazaza haza hagusanga”, ni Jan Glidwell, umwanditsi n’umunyarwenya w’Umunyamerika wavuze atyo.
Ahahise hawe n’ibyakubayeho muri icyo gihe ni amahirwe yawe yo kwiga amasomo ukeneye kwifashisha ubaho ubuzima bwa none.
Reka guhora wicuza mu buzima, uhe ahahise hawe amahoro, amateka n’ibyakubayeho ubyemere ubyakire maze utere intamwe ukomeza ugana imbere. Shaka amahirwe yo kwimenya ubwawe kandi wige uburyo bwo kwiyizera no kwigirira icyizere.
Ntabwo uri ibyakubayeho mu bihe byahise, uri uwo uhitamo kuba none n’ejo hazaza hawe. Ba wa muntu w’umunyembaraga kandi udaheranwa ushaka kuba. Umuntu ureba imbere hazaza kandi akabaho ubuzima bwuzuye kandi bwuje ibyishimo.
7. Wihunga ubuzima – komera kandi ubwakire uko buje
Kwiruka uhunga ibibazo byawe ni isiganwa utazigera utsinda, rero ahubwo hangana na byo wemye, kandi ubirenge.” Ni amagambo bitazwi uwayavuze.
Ubuzima ni urugendo rutangaje kandi rutoroshye, rwuzuye ubunararibonye bw’uburibwe n’ubwiza. Guhunga ibibazo ubuzima butuzanira si igisubizo na mba cyo guhangana n’ubuzima. Iyo wirutse uhunga ibibazo, ahantu honyine ushobora kugera heza ni ntaho!
Uburibwe, kumva ubihiwe ndetse n’ingorane z’ubuzima bizagukurikira aho uzajya hose, ni nk’inda ku mutindi w’umunyamwanda. Buriya nta cyo bitwaye kugwa gato cyangwa gusitara ukababara ndetse wenda ukaba wanataka ubabaye. Akaga ni ukuguma uryamye aho uguye cyangwa ugasubira inyuma kuko unyereye cyangwa usitariye mu rugendo ugana imbere.
Nta kibuza ibibazo n’ibyago tutateguye cyangwa tutateganije kuza. Byanga byakunda, bizatubaho, icyakora iyo turenze tukigobotora ibyo byago dushikamye dukomera kurushaho, kandi tukaba abadaheranwa kurushaho maze ubuzima bwacu bugasugira.
Itegure rero ubuzima, ube umuntu umenya uko abaho igihe ubuzima bumuhindukanye kandi umenye kujyanisha ubuzima n’aho ndetse n’igihe bugusanzemo.
Jya uhora iteka wibuka ko buri kintu cyose kikubayeho ari isomo ry’ubuzima -rero baho ubwo buzima kandi ntukibagirwe na rimwe uburyo ibihe byiza by’ubuzima ari ibintu bifite agaciro kandi bihenze utabona icyo wagura.
Nsoza iyi nkuru, ndagira ngo ndangirize kuri aya magambo yavuzwe na Dr Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Umunyamerikakazi ufite inkomoko mu Busuwisi wari umwalimu wa kaminuza akaba ninzobere mu buvuzi bw’indwara zo mu mutwe n’izishingira ku mitekerereze. Ni umuganga uri mu batangije ubuvuzi bugenerwa abari mu bihe byabo bya nyuma kandi barwaye indwara zidakira bategereje gusa gushiramo umwuka.
Yagize ati “Abantu beza kuruta abandi twamenye ni ba bandi bagize gutsindwa, abamenye ububabare, abamenye intambara, abamenye igihombo, maze bakabasha kubona inzira ibakura hepfo iyo cyane muri iyo manga. Aba bantu bagira ugushima, kumva no gusobanukirwa ubuzima bibuzuzamo impuhwe, ineza ndetse n’urukundo ruhangayikira abandi. Ntabwo abantu beza babaho batyo gusa.”
IRADUKUNDA Fidele Samson
